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_92.webp "A married man says he became “obsessed” with another woman after meeting her at a course - but his wife has since forgiven him after realising it “wasn’t his fault”.<br/><br/>Ruth Perl, 58, and her husband David, 64, have spent 13 years recovering from the incident.<br/><br/>David never acted on his feelings towards the person he fancied - but he chose to tell the woman after confiding in Ruth.<br/><br/>He started researching an emotional experience known as ‘limerence’ - which means intrusive, romantic thoughts about another person. <br/><br/>David realised his feelings were unwanted - he had no control over them and wasn't interested in beginning an affair with the woman. <br/><br/>After telling Ruth about his realisation, the couple spent time rebuilding their relationship - and say they’re happier than ever.<br/><br/>David, a couples’ therapist from St. Albans, Herts., said: “It wasn’t a normal crush, it was weird and disturbing - but we’ve put in the years to heal ourselves since.<br/><br/>“It was a difficult one - I did end up telling the other person, as I was encouraged to do so through therapy.<br/><br/>“I think she was horrified - in hindsight, it was really unfair to put that on her.<br/><br/>“But it’s all about forgiveness, we’ve done the work and are happier than ever.”<br/><br/>David met the woman he developed feelings for on January 14, 2011 - after chatting to her at a training course.<br/><br/>Their conversation lasted less than 20 minutes, but David could feel he was “besotted” by her - without being able to put a finger on why.<br/><br/>“I’ve had crushes before,” he added. “We both have. But nothing like this - this was really unusual.”<br/><br/>David thought about her, night-and-day, for weeks.<br/><br/>He looked online at forums about “obsessive love” - and came across a post about limerence.<br/><br/>He said: “I thought, 'jeez, this is what I’ve got to a T.'<br/><br/>“Something’s not right - I was absolutely obsessed and I only spoke to her for 20 minutes.<br/><br/>“I kept going over every single word she said to me, every little action.<br/><br/>“The moment I’d wake up, I’d rehearse in my head what I might say to her if she came up to talk to me.<br/><br/>“I’d experience soaring highs if she replied to an email - and extreme lows if she didn’t.<br/><br/>“It was like an intermittent reward.”<br/><br/>Knowing the feeling wasn’t going to go away any time soon, he decided to tell Ruth - who also works as a couples’ therapist.<br/><br/>She said: “David told me, and this was all going on about five days after my dad’s funeral.<br/><br/>“I was in horrific grief at the time, and so my first thoughts were: ‘Oh, for god’s sake. How can you be so bloody stupid?’<br/><br/>“My dad had just died, and my husband wanted to p*ss off into fantasy land.<br/><br/>“We went into freefall, and it was a very, very difficult 12 months.”<br/><br/>After choosing to concentrate on grieving for her dad for a year, Ruth says she “finally had the brain capacity” to sit down with David, and ask him what was going on.<br/><br/>He hadn’t acted on his feelings - and actively decided he wouldn’t “consummate” the crush.<br/><br/>“David reached out to me,” Ruth said. “He asked me, ‘please help me understand what’s going on.’<br/><br/>“He was so confused. I asked him if he still wanted to be married, and he said, ‘I don’t want to throw away what we’ve got.’<br/><br/>“I told him to sit in the confusion, and I’d do what I could to support him.<br/><br/>“But I knew that what will be will be, we might not necessarily make it out of this.”<br/><br/>David said: “We started having marriage counselling - and one thing I want to stress is it isn’t an excuse to cheat.<br/><br/>“I was responsible for what I did - but it did make me realise that often, people don’t set out to have an affair.”<br/><br/>David explored some of the ways therapists encourage people to “heal” from limerence - including starving themselves from contact, or consummating it with the other person.<br/><br/>He settled on going to therapy, and letting the woman know he couldn’t speak to her anymore.<br/><br/>Now, David and Ruth help other couples going through the same thing - and have taught their children, Hannah-Mai, 32, and Isobel, 29, how to value their own relationships.<br/><br/>Ruth said: “It was important our two daughters knew about all this.<br/><br/>“They were older teenagers when this was all going on, and they understood it.<br/><br/>“We thought it was very important for them to understand that all marriages have differences - but you don’t throw the towel in when the going gets tough.<br/><br/>“Even when you’re talking about a full-blown physical affair. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.”")
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_amar-singh-chamkila---full-movie---based-on-real-life-story---diljit-dosanjh-parineeti-chopra.webp "‘Amar Singh Chamkila’ review: An off-key biopic of the iconic Punjabi singer.<br/>Amar Singh Chamkila - Full Movie | Diljit Dosanjh, Imtiaz Ali, A. R. Rahman, Irshad Kamil, Parineeti<br/>Imtiaz Ali’s Amar Singh Chamkila attempts to bottle the essence of a legendary Punjabi singer who evades easy categorisation. Murdered in 1988 at the age of 27 when he was at the height of his powers, Chamkila is an exemplar of the supernova who lives and dies for art.<br/><br/>Biopics on Chamkila have been previously announced and abandoned; at least one of them, starring Diljit Dosanjh, was completed but stalled by a lawsuit. Chamkila’s unsolved assassination shaped key plot points in Rohit Jugraj’s web series Chamak (2023). The difficulty of drawing definitive conclusions about Chamkila’s multi-faceted legacy led to Kabir Singh Chowdhry’s fascinating experimental docu-fiction Mehsampur (2018).Ali’s version, which is out on Netflix and is also led by Dosanjh, reaches for low-hanging fruit: who – or what – killed Chamkila?<br/><br/>The screenplay, by Imtiaz Ali and Sajid Ali, unfolds like a police procedural. Chamkila (Dosanjh) is gunned down along with his singer-wife Amarjot (Parineeti Chopra) soon after they arrive in Mehsampur for a concert. A police officer who dismisses the icon as a vulgarian learns about Chamkila’s hardscrabble background, overnight success, and the unwelcome attention he attracted for his bawdy, taboo-busting songs.I discovered the man who was born Dhani Ram, one man says. I gave him his stage name, another asserts. Inspired by the goings-on around him, Chamkila wields his tumbi like a magic wand, bewitching local listeners as well as the Punjabi diaspora. Yet, his fame cannot shield from him from the ire of militants, religious leaders and the police.<br/><br/>Dosanjh, Chopra, and a few other singers perform Chamkila’s original songs in Punjabi, with the Hindi translations appearing on the screen. AR Rahman’s Punjabi pop-inflected Hindi soundtrack is woven into the musical-like saga. (Punjab is called Panjab throughout the movie.)The hot-blooded account of a cold case includes animation, split screens and footage of the real Chamkila and Amarjot. There is enough archival material included in the film to make the heart yearn for a straight-up documentary.<br/><br/>The music video-level aesthetic creates enough momentum to distract from how mundane the movie turns out to be. Chowdhry’s Mehsampur suggested that the aura around Chamkila was too thick to penetrate, especially by filmmakers who had not breathed the same air as him. Ali is untrammelled by such concerns. Having bagged the rights to Chamkila’s music catalogue, and having recruited big-name talent, Ali sets out to Bollywoodise the folk performer.The biopic is fixated on the explicit lyrics that put Chamkila on the top of charts and hit lists. Ali’s recent projects similarly focus on sexual matters, including the shows She, about a repressed police constable, and Dr Arora, about a sexologist.")
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